Drag Queens, Mean Girls, and Butt Jeans: Tales of a Fourth Grade Mom

My very wise friend forewarned me that fourth grade would be different. There would be stuff. The stuff would not be good.

Why can’t we keep our kids locked away in a tower and just visit them to brush their hair?

Here are just a few things I’ve heard as a Fourth Grade Mom:

Drag Queens. Yes, I have had to explain what drag queens are to my child. These types of explanations almost always lead down more awkward rabbit trails of confession and question. “Mom, why did Ms. So and So get a divorce and what is an affair?” “How do you use tampons?” “Do you wear pads because you pee your pants?” “Do you really poop babies out of your butt?” Then there are the hard ones like… “What did the sex offender in our neighborhood actually do to kids?” “So and So asked me for the answers because she didn’t understand it. How can I be helpful and still not get her or myself in trouble?” “So and So was talking about sex. Is sex inappropriate? Did you and daddy ever do that?” “We prayed and prayed for healing, but he still died. Are you mad at God?” “So and So says Jesus was not God’s son. But it’s okay for everyone to believe different things, right?”

Mean Girls. It’s heartbreaking. “She has four butt cheeks—two on her bottom and two on her face.” “He doesn’t have a mom so clearly he’s got problems.” “Don’t go near [the bullied kid]; he stinks like broccoli and has lice.” “You need to tell your mom you’re not a kid anymore and those shows are baby shows.” “Your shirt is so last year.” “Do this [insert horrifying sexual gesture here] to So and So.” “Be at the party if you want to be my friend.” “No one likes a goody goody.” “You can see So and So needs a bra like my pretty lacy one.”

Butt jeans. It wasn’t until this year that my daughter began stressing over what I picked out for her to wear. She didn’t want to wear her jeans because when she sat down they MIGHT slip down and show her derriere. The peer pressure to conform had to be nipped in the bud. To wear a bra or not to wear a bra, the right kind of jeans, shoe laces that don’t sparkle, no more hair bows, unzipped jackets, shirts with no sayings, hair down and not up…

Here’s what I know:

The past posts saying that if you don’t talk to your kids about sex, then someone else will? Yeah, that’s totally true. Don’t miss this, moms. Start now. Remember, you’re not taking your kids’ innocence by being the first to address these things early, you’re preserving their innocence by giving them age-appropriate truth that will empower them. Great advice here. (http://lifeaswelearnit.com/phone-call-started-sex-chat/ and http://lifeaswelearnit.com/talking-to-my-kids-about-sex/)

Never show horror at the horror that will come from your precious babes’ mouths when they report to you what they’ve seen and heard. You don’t want them to feel shameful for saying it even if it’s “So and So told me to !#*%$.” You want them to always come to you with everything, so grin and bear it, mom. Say, “Thank you for telling me,” while you cry on the inside. If you need to catch your breath and figure out an answer, then say, “Let me think on that one,” but ALWAYS go back to finish the discussion.

sam meme april

Drill into your kids that you are proud of them, that they are unique, that all kids are supposed to be different, that no one’s approval but God’s matters, that they are smart, that they are strong, that they are brave, that they are wise. Teach them not to sweat the small stuff—when someone says “I don’t like your shirt” teach them to say “That’s okay because I do.” Tell them to be kind and show love to everyone, but that not everyone has to be or SHOULD be their friend. Tell them that everyone makes mistakes. Teach them that mistakes are normal, expected, show growth, often amusing, and forgiven. Above all, teach them to pray and pray for your kids!

Beyond that, I don’t really know. Fourth grade is tough. I’m still debating that tower idea.

How do you respond to and prepare for tough questions, mean kids, and peer pressure? Please share some of your experiences so we can encourage each other.

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2 Comments

  1. Scary but inspiring!

    • Sam Davis Sam Davis says:

      It has been scary, but it’s okay. Every stage of parenting is different and challenging. This has just been the year when the world came crashing into the little bubble of protection we have built to protect our kids since birth. It had to happen. But I trust the Lord in my kids’ lives to guide them so that they can influence the world, rather than the world influence them. Thankful to inspiring moms who’ve gone before me that have passed down their wisdom. And, loving kids are wise kids. :)

      Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
      1 Peter 4:8

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